Vietnamese consonants

I was delusional.

I told myself that now I was done with the vowels and the tones everything would get easier from here on in.

And then I met the consonants.

I'm told by the Foreign Services Institute course in Vietnamese that pretty much all of the Vietnamese consonants are different from the English counterparts.

I'm a little suspicious, however - especially when the course tells me that the best way to pronounce a Vietnamese 'tr' is simply to imagine it as a ''voiceless, apico-alveolar, slightly affricated, retroflex stop.' Jeepers.

So below I've explained what I personally think these damned letters sound like without all the linguistic jargon.

Of course if a linguist ever does read this they'll realise I've completely butchered his craft.

Let's start with a positive. M, ph, n, l and h seem to be the same in Vietnamese and English.

But that's it.

We learnt two other aberrations.

x = s
d and gi = 'y' as in 'yet'

Now add these monsters on to that tiny list:

b = English 'b' but more explosive

v = same as Vietnamese 'd' and 'gi', i,e. 'y' as in 'yet'. (Although it appears that in North Vietnam it is said like the 'vy' in 'revue')

t = basically our 'd'

th = like our 't'

đ = like our 'd' but more explosive, with voice

ch = like our 'j'

tr = Oh man. This one. Let's just say it's like an English 'd' with a tiny little 'j' thrown in at the end - tiny mind you.

nh = the 'ny' in menu

s = our 'sh'

r = sort of our 'r'! But if I'm going to be honest there is an 'l' in there somewhere.

c and k = halfway between our 'k' and 'g'

kh = like the 'ch' on Scottish 'loch'

g and gh = say 'g' with your throat like you're gargling, almost sounds like a 'y'

ng and ngh = the 'ng' in 'singer' except at the beginning of the word

In short: the Vietnamese alphabet bears little resemblance to the sounds in our alphabet. It might as well be a separate alphabet.

Surely, surely this must be the most onerous of Vietnamese pronunciation lessons.

But I've just scrolled down for a peek preview of the next pronunciation section. 

What I've been through so far is nothing compared to what I'm about to slam into.